How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
