I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
