I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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