P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
