Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
