The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
