I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
you never un-have a 4some
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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