We won't sleep together?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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