The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
