When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
