So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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