this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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