I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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