downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
