Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My vagina just recognized that song.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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