Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
