I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
time to smoke my breakfast
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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