I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
