A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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