There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
