she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
