You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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