Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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