My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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