Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
