I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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