well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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