He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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