you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
