Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
