So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
