Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
