i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
