Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
