Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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