I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
