Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
