I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
