Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
