I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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