I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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