I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It was confusing and full of hummus
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
