their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
