Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
