If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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