i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
