i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
