Umm I'm too high to move.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize