Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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