Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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