dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
