Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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