last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
