I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
