did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
