pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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