come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
