Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
