Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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