I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
