Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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