All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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