Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
