Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
