Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
