Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
