I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
