i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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