I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
